5 Financial Topics You Should Discuss With Your Partner

I can’t tell you how many couples I’ve seen argue, build resentment, or even separate over one simple topic: Money. While we all likely acknowledge it is something important to talk about with your loved one, especially if you are in a relationship for the long haul, not every couple discusses finances in a healthy or consistent way. 

Let’s review some things that are crucial to talk about with your partner… before disagreements arise! 

1. Start Talking About Finances ASAP

One of the first mistakes I see among couples is that they put off discussing money until it becomes almost “too late.” While any time can be a good time to have an open line of communication, especially about money, waiting until you are in debt, struggling, or growing upset about the topic is not ideal. 

If you’re in a committed relationship, at nearly any level, it is smart to have these discussions early and often. Things as simple as who pays for dates or nights out, to how each other feels about buying a house, the small conversations now will help you to understand one another throughout the relationship.

2. Be Open and Honest

I hope you are open and honest in all parts of your relationship. Healthy communication is key to a great couple. It is especially true when it comes to sharing your financial history, views, and goals. 

If you declared bankruptcy three years ago, you should let your partner know. If your credit is in the toilet, a partner should understand that. If you make twice what your partner does, that’s OK too, but being open and honest about any financial decisions helps to open that line of communication about finances. 

There’s no need to hide things from someone you love, especially if the topics are likely to come up later (say if you buy a car together, file for a mortgage, or make a major purchase).

3. Combined Finances? Or Separate Accounts?

To be perfectly honest, there is no right or wrong answer to this decision. Becoming married does not mean that you have to combine all your banking or credit accounts! 

What is crucial, however, is that you talk about that before any combined expenses. If you aim to have kids, get married, or even share an expense as simple as a dog, the two of you need to understand how you’ll pay for shared purchases. Have that talk and make a decision after you understand how each side of the couple feels.

4. Financial Responsibility

While both members of a relationship should come to an understanding of financial responsibility, it’s also important to share individual responsibilites. Who is “in charge” of paying bills? Who pays the mortgage? Who pays the insurance? Who buys the vehicles? 

Perhaps you aim to combine all finances into one pot (a joint account, for example) and pay the bills that way. But who physically pays them? Will you use auto-pay? Will one member of the couple ensure all bills are paid in a timely manner? Will you sit and budget together? 

This is another important conversation to have early on in the relationship. Before you make purchases or combine any finances, review the logistical details with one another. This will prevent resentment down the road and provide a clear “rule book” for both of you to follow.

5. Define a Budget

No matter how you opt to break down the finances, combined or separate accounts, there is still another big discussion that is necessary, beyond how and who pays the bills each month. There needs to be a clear budget plan to follow. Again, there are no right or wrong answers, but simply an agreement the two of you must come to an agreement on, preferably before you find yourself in the midst of a fight.

Things you may want to consider typically break down into three major categories:

• What are your needs (housing, utilities, groceries, etc.)?

• What are your wants (entertainment, date nights, dining out)?

• What do you want to save?

You may want to sit apart and each answer these honestly, separately. Then rejoin together to discuss what your thoughts are on each of the three categories. 

Financial Success Requires Communication

It doesn’t matter how old you are. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with your partner. It matters not if you are married, living together or apart, or simply just starting out. Conversations about finances are important. They can make or break a relationship. No one likes to find “surprises” down the road, so having open lines of communication now greatly decreases difficulties down the road!

For an extra layer of planning, or if you simply need an experienced expert (OK, or a “mediator”) to help you in this process, feel free to make an appointment with me. I would be happy to outline a process that you can both be happy, secure, and confident in, ensuring the start of your relationship sets you up for success later in it.